Fifty Shades of- SHIT!
by Paradoxilla
Summary: Nick and Luke leave the theatre after watching Fifty Shades of Grey, and things start to get out of hand from that moment.


_Okay...this is happening. A Nuke humour fic based around Fifty Shades of Grey. Basically...you'll see ;)._

* * *

"That movie was shit," Nick cackled, as him and his boyfriend Luke stumbled out of the movie theatre, their laughter spilling out of their mouths and Luke nodded in agreement at his partners words.

"Yeah! It's only erotic since he's rich! If he was some old dude in a trailer park it would be a criminal investigation," Luke cried, as Nick collapsed into a laughing heap, leaning on Luke for support, who looked like he was about to tumble.

"Exactly! Anyway, it's not like that shit would actually work," Nick sighed, small giggles still escaping his mouth. Luke's smile faltered slightly, but remained a smirk and he shrugged indifferently.

"Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't," Luke said but grabbed Nick's hand and pointed at the bar across the street that was bustling with activity. Nick smiled, but the thought of what Luke said stayed at the back of the black haired man's mind.

* * *

"C-Come on Luke," Nick slurred, tugging on his hand to the bed that awaited them. Two in the morning and forced out of the bar, both of them were drunk and sleep deprived. Luke gave a 'HUH?' sound and stumbled to the bed, and the second his head hit the pillow, he was asleep.

Nick however, went into the bathroom and relieved himself. Moments later he stumbled out of the bathroom and was about to curl into Luke's arms, but his eyes however trailed to the computer screen.

Without thinking, he sat down and typed in the search:

"_Amazon sex toys_"

Multiple searches appeared, and Nick clicked on the first link he saw. He was suddenly overwhelmed by what he saw. Whips, masks, leather and chains, handcuffs, vibrators...holy hell what to order?

After much internal deliberation, Nick decided to do the rational thing. Buy everything. He put in the credit card details, closed the tab, and turned off the computer, before crawling into bed and curling into Luke.

* * *

"Nick," Luke asked as he surveyed a few large packages that had arrived moments befor even. They were addressed to "Tarvers, Nick" and their address was scribbled in bold on the cardboard box.

Nick walked into the room and his eyes bulged to exponential proportions, and realised what happened a few days earlier. "Oh, fuck," he muttered and ran a hand through his ebony hair as Luke pried the first package open.

"What the fuck? Handcuffs? Ropes? Nick did you order this stuff," Luke asked and he gave Nick a critical look and Nick sheepishly looked away and rubbed his neck, and Luke grabbed the eye mask.

"Jesus Christ, you ordered this stuff," Luke said, the truth dawning on him "sex toys, really Nick?" Nick blushed and looked at the ground, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"I ordered this a few days ago," Nick admitted quietly "I was drunk and that..._Fifty Shades of Shit_ shit was still stuck in my head so I ordered it by accident."

"Godammit Nick," Luke sighed before smirking, and picking up a whip "might as well get our money's worth." And he whipped Nick.

"**_Aw shit Luke, you fuckin' idiot that stings!_**"

"I'm so sorry Nick, shit! Oh fuck, oh fuck, I'll get some ice!"

"Shit, that burns!"

"It's your fuckin' fault for buyin' it!"

"Did you have to whip me though?!"

* * *

Day 1: Handcuffs

Luke slowly handcuffed Nick to the radiator, an eye mask over his eyes. Nick breathed in slowly, as Luke kissed Nick with passion. "I love you Nick," Luke whisoered, and Nick chuckled.

"Stop with then sentimental crap," Nick said, when the doorbell rang, and Luke stood up quickly, making Nick arch an eyebrow.

"I'll be back in a second, I promise," Luke grumbled, before trotting downstairs and opening the front door to be face-to-face with Nick's uncle Pete. Luke's hazel eyes widened and he leaned against the doorframe, denying entry into the house.

"H-Hey Pete," Luke greeted nervously and Pete nodded before forcing his way in and stretching.

"Where's Nick," Pete asked, and Luke scrambled for an explanation.

"Uh...he's not here. He's gone to the store," Luke lied, but Pete accepted it, and turned on the heating, oblivious to Luke, and Pete sat down.

* * *

Nick sighed and hummed to himself, waiting for Luke. Where was he? Why couldn't he just make the person go away so they can get back to this? Nick moaned and threw his head back, and hit on the radiator.

"AH fuck," he gasped. It was boiling hot. He suddenly realised that his entire body was pressed against it. Nick struggled against the restraints, but it was no use.

Nick gasped again, and realised he can just break the handcuffs. He pulled and pulled against the metallic object, but it wouldn't break. Nick growled, and could hear Luke talking to someone. _For fucks sake Luke_.

Nick pulled with full force and he then fell over. He got out! Yes! He took off the eye mask, and looked at his wrist, but was confused as to why the handcuffs weren't broken at all. He looked at the radiator to see water pouring onto the ground.

"Shit, shit, shit," Nick muttered and jumped onto the bed and smacked his head off the ceiling light "owwwww fuck." He suddenly heard pounding footsteps and moments later Luke and Pete burst into the room, and the first thing they saw was Nick with an eye mask around his neck, handcuffs on his wrist and water everywhere.

"...I can explain," Nick assured and the ceiling light fell from the ceiling with a spark of light and an electrical sound, and stayed motionless and Pete's feet.

"...I can explain that too."

* * *

_Edit: Okay, so I had planned this for a week or two, so leafs I AM SORRY, IF YOU WANT ME TO DELETE THIS I WILL. _

_HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY EVERYONE ;) _


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